A Letter to Me at several stages in my life

Currently Listening to: Letter to Me by Brad Paisley 
Currently Reading: Night Mare by Piers Anthony
Current Projects: ConLaw Term Paper, ChildLit Research Paper, Plotting Summer Adventures
Current Countdowns: 24 days until 3rd Anniversary; 26 days till finals begin

Ok before I start this post let me encourage you to read other posts in this blog. While many of my posts stand alone, those happen to be my snarky commentaries on society and the world around me. Posts about my life are less stand alone since to understand one fully is difficult if you take it out of context.

——————————————————————————————

Dear Lucky at age 16-17,

I know this may be strange but hey, it’s you at 20. In case you don’t believe me, look in your bag. There will be a black and white composition book called the Rant Book, which holds all your hurt and angry thoughts, and you have a thing for a guy people call Spoony. Yeah only you and I would know that at this point. So listen up, cause this might help you through a lot.

I know things seem a little dark, and you feel lost. That damn Rant Book is full of tear-stained and ink covered pages, and you think that things will never get better, but babe, just have a little faith. That guy you crush on so badly… he’s going to fall in love with you, just give it time. You won’t have to stress about prom, he’ll take you. Papa may have died, but he’s still in your heart. His death will give you a driving force that will propel you forward with the hopes of punishing doctors who screw up people’s lives because they don’t pay attention. Take a deep breath and calm down, don’t do anything crazy. Stop hitting the wall and look around. You have to carry on and be strong. It will be better if you do. Also things are going to be rough for awhile. Pa is gone and Nanny needs you, and you won’t be able to count on your cousin anymore. She’s not what you thought. There will be a lot of tears and anger, but you’ll get by, and it will make you stronger. And when Spoony leaves you confused, just be patient. He’ll be back and he will clear it all up, I promise. And remember, you are beautiful, no matter what they say or what you look like. You may feel ugly and fat, but you have to believe that you are beautiful because if you don’t then no one else will. Love yourself. Don’t think about starving yourself to be pretty, it’s not going to make you happy.

Trust me, I know. LUCKY

——————————————————————————————

Dear Lucky at 18-19,

Never thought you’d make it this far did you? Well you have, and you are a very strong and brave girl for making it. I know you’re going through some scary things right now, like Wallis-san’s death and doubts about your relationship and fear about law school. It’s all going to be ok. There’s this place, you’ll find it when you least expect it, called DLS, and you won’t believe it will change your life. But it will save you because the people there are amazing and they care. You’ll finally see that you aren’t alone, and you don’t have to be scared. There are a lot of cool friends you’ll meet who share your feelings and secrets.

You and Spoony will make it, in fact things will be a lot better, just be patient, I know it’s hard, but be calm and breathe. He’s going to come home, and he’ll visit twice before that, and it will be amazing. He loves you, and he’ll be there when you least expect it. But don’t get so complacent because it will not be a cake walk all the time. Keep posting in DLS and talking, don’t bottle it all up and explode. And for heaven’s sake talk to him, he deserves to know what’s going on.

Oh and by the way… when you go to the beach with J, try to enjoy it. It won’t be the best thing in the world, but it will be time away from home and sort of relaxing. And don’t spend your whole vacation stressing over that stupid picture, it’s nothing. And don’t worry about your body in that swim suit… it’s not that big of a deal. I know you want to be thinner and fitter, but stress only makes you fatter. Wear a bit more sunscreen, especially on your face. Don’t underestimate the sun or overestimate your skin’s tolerance.

Stop stressing about your body and your weight. It’s going to work out and you’ll feel better. It will not be easy, but if you calm down maybe you’ll come up with some kind of strategy for getting rid of those pounds. Look in the mirror and see the real you, the beautiful young woman behind the stress. Get some sleep for a change. Just because you are in college doesn’t mean sleep is not a necessity. Eat better and do try not to get readdicted to caffiene. Take the long way home from mock the day the teams are reformed… cause if you don’t you’ll roll the blazer and you’ll be without a car. Study for those exams and pay more attention in that Political Status of Women class, that professor is more of a bitch than you thought.

Don’t forget to live, trust me I know this stuff. LUCKY

Whoa, Whoa, I gotta go… back to school

Classes started back monday, hurrah, and all that. Actually I look forward to the start of college if only because it means I’m yet another step closer to finishing college and moving on to law school. Besides that it also means the end of long stretches of boredom because while going out on Thursdays and spending all day with Spoony was amazing, I really didn’t have much else to do. The lack of wheels to get me places definitely put a hold on my mobility during winter break, and the fact that the Boro is very boring most of the time.

Honestly though, my classes aren’t going to be easy this semester. I’ve got two english courses and two polisci courses. Children’s Lit is probably going to bore me to death and Children’s Fantasy Fiction is too crowed for a senior english class. The discussion won’t be much fun at all. So much writing will drive me insane, as well as some of the books we are reading, all children’s books of course. Constitutional law will be a lot of work, reading the book and breif eight cases a week so I have them to study for his exams. The only class I know I’ll love is Clyde’s Legal Research and Writing, but that’s because Clyde is my favorite political science professor ever. He’s great and I always learn so much from him. The class will not be easy, but it will be fun.

And Lucky is an idiot. Her class schedule has a terrible case of the ‘Oh my god stupids’ because on Mondays and Wednesdays I have a break between my two classes that is three hours long. That means that I will have at least two and and half hours to kill if you don’t count lunch in the bargain. And on Fridays I come to campus for less than an hour because I only have one class. But I didn’t want to take a bunch of night classes so it was almost the only way I could schedule my classes.

So now I have mock trial again, plus the job hunt, the pray that we can get tags for my car so I have wheels again, the LSAT to prepare for, law school apps to worry about, apartment hunting if I ever want to move out with Spoony, and of course home life to deal with. So Lucky’s plate is pretty full. Wish her luck.

What are we teaching our youth?

The other day in my political status of women course we were talking about culture and relativism and the way it effects basic human rights especially for women. There is a culture in Africa where being a ‘large’ women is considered attractive. This means that young women are taken into huts and beaten and forced to eat and drink until they are the right size for men to find attractive. There were many people in the class who were appalled by this, myself included, because these girls have no choice at all. But Dr. Petersen, our professor, said something that struck a chord in my mind, and I think she is entirely correct. She said, “We do the same thing to our own children, our daughters, except our stick is the media, and we beat into them the idea of perfection from an early age.”

It makes sense; you just have to think about it. Look at the women on television, the teen idols for girls. Young girls have role models like the Olsen twins, Brittney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and many other stars who have too many problems to count. The images they are bombarded with are those of thin, ‘flawless’, women in tight fitting clothing showing off lots of skin. Perfection is shown as skinny, and beauty is skewed as if to say that if you aren’t tiny you aren’t attractive. It’s no wonder that eating disorders are so prevalent. Young women feel they must starve themselves to be pretty enough and acceptable. Heavier people are always depicted as the butt of the joke, the unpopular characters. Pretty thin girls are the popular, well-liked characters.Think of the message you are sending your children when you allow them to take what they see on television and in the media and apply to real life as if it were the only truth. “Be thin and pretty and you will be loved.” That is the message that the media is sending young girls.

And let’s take it beyond that. Have you seen the Halloween costumes and toys for young girls these days? Girls dress up as a ’sexy pop diva’ or ’sexy cowgirl’ at the age of eight. It’s ridiculous. Little girls running around in skimpy costumes that show way too much skin. What are these parents thinking? And don’t tell me it’s harmless fun either. There is serious harm in allowing your daughter to run around scantily clad pretending to be a ‘pop princess’. The message you are sending is one that fundamentally objectifies women. You are teaching them that it’s OK to allow yourself to be judged on what you wear and how you look. This teaches them that women aren’t smart, strong, and independent; this teaches them from an early age that women are sex objects. And to add idiocy to the moronic, give your child a Bratz doll. These dolls with their over done make up and skimpy clothing is sending the same message. And not only that you also have Bratz Kidz and Bratz Big Babyz, two more dolls that encourage young girls to be solely concerned with being a ‘diva’.

I know what you are thinking now. Why is Lucky so concerned with this stuff? She sounds like a grouchy, bitter, feminazi. Well maybe I’m just a little disturbed by the fact that we are teaching our daughters that all that matters is image, make up, clothes, and being thin. Maybe I’m thrown off by the fact that eating disorders become more prevalent everyday because young girls are convinced that in order to be loved they have to be thin and beautiful. Frankly folks I think that it’s bull shit, and it’s time for a change.

Belgium… I need a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster

Yes I know how unspeakably rude that word is and I don’t care. It’s been a pretty rough week, and frankly Belgium may the only appropriate word for just how rough it’s been.

In fact I’ve had two really terrible nights of Mock Trial, and it’s wearing me thin. I should be so much better than this, and I’m not. My arguments are off, my closings suck, and my direct is the worst thing I’ve ever dealt with. I don’t know whether it’s the case or what, but this year I’m off my game. I can’t seem to get anything right. It’s enough to make me want to quit mocking for good and go into something else. No I’m not seriously considering dropping Mock, but it’s not much fun when you feel like there is something wrong with you.

Besides that, I’ve just been assigned the paper from hell. Patrick has given us a ten to twelve page paper comparing the election campaign of ‘72 to the election campaign of ‘04 in three ways. I have to have thirteen sources, including Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ‘72. The other twelve have to be on aspects of the ‘04 campaign, four for each of the three factors. This is due by November 21st. Yes I know it seems like its a short time away, but I also have presentations to do, books and fairy tales to read and analyze, papers to write, mock trial work to deal with, etc. Brilliant really, and I’m not finished with the book for the paper yet.

And on top of all that, I go the worst news possible at this moment. Last night I find out that it will be late November before Spoony can move back. Some sort of delay with the house I guess. I cried my eyes out last night for at least three hours. And just thinking about it makes me want to cry some more. I know, I know, how pathetic can Lucky get? But it’s killing me. Every time the date of arrival gets even remotely close, there is a delay. And heaven forbid I start planning anything, because then the delay is almost guaranteed.