“Not just different, my dear — prettier!”

So I was listening to the radio and was shocked to hear that there is a Florida plastic surgeon has written a picture book for kids about plastic surgery. Called My Beautiful Mommy, the book focuses on a mother explaining her tummy tuck and nose job to her young daughter. “Mommy” also gets a boob job, but that is not mentioned in the text, merely shown by her obviously perkier and larger breasts in the pictures. The doctor actually admits that this is true, so don’t jump on me saying that it’s just an assumption based on nothing. I personally find the existence of such a book appalling for a number of reasons.

A book glorifying plastic surgery is just wrong, especially aimed at children. You can tell me all you want that it’s not glorifying surgery to change one’s appearance, that it is just to help parents explain what’s happening to children, but you are full of crap. This book shows a mother with an ordinary nose, normal breasts, and an already flat stomach, who wears belly shirts and tight pants, getting surgery to be more beautiful. The little girl tell her that she’s already beautiful, but “Mommy” dreams of being a beauty queen and assures her daughter that she needs to be prettier.

Let’s start self-loathing at an early age. It’s not enough that as teenagers and college students and even adults we are bombarded with images of so-called perfect women, let’s get to those small children too. Honestly, while the good doctor probably had the best of intentions, the book sends very dangerous and disgusting messages to kids. “Mommy didn’t feel pretty enough, so she went to the doctor and he fixed it.” “Mommy doesn’t have the perfect face and body she had before you were born, so she’s getting it fixed so she can be perfect again.” “Natural aging and body changes from being a mommy are bad and Mommy has to have them fixed.” “Mommy isn’t hot enough, so she’s going to have surgery to maker her hotter.” These are not things young girls should hear.

The focus on how beautiful the surgery makes “Mommy” is ridiculous. If the book is about how to tell children about the surgery and the down time that comes after, then there shouldn’t be this whole spielabout her being “the most beautiful butterfly” and stuff. The line that made feel sick was the one that I quoted in the title of this blog. It’s very clear that “Mommy” doesn’t feel pretty enough so she’s having this surgery. This is a terrible thing for kids to consider. Kids should not see messages that say that you must have surgery to feel pretty, or that your genetics aren’t good enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing getting plastic surgery. Hell, I’ve thought about it countless times; liposuction, maybe getting my scars fixed,  fixing my stupid nose. But I haven’t done it, and I’m glad I haven’t. If you feel the need to get cosmetic surgery, more power to you. But I don’t see pushing it on kids. I think that if you have kids and are getting plastic surgery, sure you should explain it to them. The shock and fear of a parent in bandages and seeming unwell can be terrible. But you should explain to them that it’s not for everyone, that it is not something you have to do to be beautiful. You should sit down with your kids and talk to them about what’s happening, not give them a book to make it easier on yourself. It’s a complicated thing, and it’s important that kids understand what’s going on. A parent should take responsibility for what they are doing and it’s effect on her, or his, children.

The price of beauty is getting too high

Ladies and Gentleman, those who read this blog, I would like you all to know that this is one of the hardest blogs I’ve written. Lucky is digging pretty deep, so it may be long and it won’t be too pretty, pardon the pun. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and today’s blog is about something that faces American men and women, young and old, though I will talking mostly about how it effects young women my age. That issue is beauty, not the mere existence, but the perception of beauty and how much it costs to reach that goal, both in currency and in emotional, physical, and psychological terms. This is also one of those rare moments when you will see photographic evidence that Lucky is not a robot. Let us begin with the photos which show the steps I take to get ready, hair and make up-wise.

Step One: This is the original me, no make up, no straightener and hair dryer.

Step Two: Make-up and a hair dryer, looking better

Step Three: Almost straight, finished make up

Step Four: Straightened completely, last minute touches

Now then, the point was to show you how much I change when I get ready each day. I’m not the most beautiful or desirable creature on the planet, but I can say that I make myself presentable and moderately attractive. The question is how much does it cost me. Not counting the price of my hair cut and color, I spend well over fifty dollars on just my hair and face alone.  Then there are of course things like my lotions, body wash, and other items for my body, without of course including the clothes. The total is over one hundred dollars once you include that stuff. If you think I’m joking, let me give you a detailed list, prices estimated:

Facial cleanser for oil control- $3.50
Moisturizer- $4
Acne spot treater- $4.50
Hair removal creme- $3.50
Foundation- $4
Concealer- $3
Blush- $2.50
Eyeshadow- $2.50
Eyeliner- $3
Mascara- $3.50
Powder- $2.50
Color care shampoo and conditioner- $6
Straightener- $45
Total: $87.50
——————————————
Scented Body Wash- $9.50
Lotion to match- $9.50
Nail polish- $2
Hair remover gel- $6
Diet pills- $20
Total: $47
——————————-
Total overall: $134.50

The point is monetarily speaking just to be average costs over a hundred dollars, imagine what that means for the people who feel they must be far above average. But money is not the real issue at all. It’s the fact that the cost is even higher physically and emotionally. The images we are bombarded with are those of thin, ‘flawless’, women in tight fitting clothing showing off lots of skin. Perfection is shown as skinny, and beauty is skewed as if to say that if you aren’t tiny you aren’t attractive. It’s no wonder that eating disorders are so prevalent. Young women feel they must starve themselves to be pretty enough and acceptable. This can affect even the most intelligent and well adjusted young woman out there. I mean even a mature individual feels the pressure society places on women to be perfect in every way possible. I’m not saying that its bad to want to be beautiful, I’m saying that its bad to want to be beautiful in someone else’s terms.

Needless to say there is a reason why Lucky is writing this blog. It affects me too, and in a way this is one of my most soul baring blogs because you are about to discover why I’m so passionate about this topic. You noticed I’m sure that listed among the costs is diet pills. I do struggle with my weight, and I’m dieting and exercising to fight that. The truth is I’ve had body image issues for my whole ‘ young adult’ life, partly because when puberty finally hit me I gained weight and height, and it finally dawned on me that I was a girl. I was, and still am really, a total tomboy, and for me body image didn’t matter so much. I didn’t worry about what I looked like. But thanks to the magic of hormones, I suddenly started caring, the only problem was that I was not up to the standards girls are held to. Instead I was too tall and too fat. It tore me up inside, and at times still does, and I was driven to the brink over and over. I saw my best friend become anorexic, and she was one of the pretty girls. Now I’m just fat. And my skin has never been flawless, so all the make up and the like is explained through that. I am still struggling, and occasionally it tears me apart, but I’m fighting that.

Again, I’m not saying that it’s terrible to want to feel beautiful, trust me. Though  I can be one of the guys, even I need to be beautiful once in a while. It’s a female thing. But you should be beautiful on your own terms, not the media’s and not society’s. Don’t let what other people think tear you up. Know that you are beautiful no matter what you weigh, what your hair or skin looks like, or how tall you are. And so I issue these challenges to all of you out there:

• Every day find at least one part of your body that you normally hate, and tell yourself it’s beautiful.
• Look in the mirror each morning before you get all made up, and say “The real me is beautiful.”
• When you feel your lowest, remind yourself of at least one thing about you that makes you beautiful.
• Every once in a while do something that makes you feel beautiful, whether it be going out all dressed up, or simply putting on that certain piece of clothing that makes you feel great.

Pretty

Be pretty, they command
Be thin and beautiful.
Don’t be heavy or fat
don’t be average and plain.

Be perfect and lovely
be a masterpiece.
Don’t be bland or boring
don’t be ugly and flawed.

What about be real?
Is that an option?
What about be who I am?
Is that a choice for me?

What is beauty anyway.
Is it possible at all?
Is perfect something real?
Can you achieve it in time?

Be a model, they say.
Be like that girl on TV.
She’s so beautiful
they love her so.

If you are pretty, my dear,
we will love you just like her.
So be beautiful, my sweet,
and we will adore you too.

I’d rather be real, not fake.
I’ll take my truth, thanks,
over your stupid plastic lies.
I decline you offer, much obliged.

I’ll be my own imperfect beauty.
I don’t need your phony lines.
I decline your conditioned love
instead I’ll take that girl there.

That’s right, the heavy one,
the ugly and imperfect one.
I’ll take the real me, thank you,
with all the lovely flaws
that make me pretty.