Be patient with those who give advice

Once again it appears my post 42 things girls should do for guys has brought out a question. I shall now attempt to give a bit of advice on relationships. I don’t often dispense advice often because advice is something that should be given cautiously. [Disclaimer: Lucky just had yet another Lord of the Rings, elven moment]

Question:“I’m a Junior in high school, and I’ve had quite a few relationships by now. I consider myself quite experienced in having boyfriends. But I now have a boyfriend whom has never had a girlfriend before. He too is a junior. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but I feel things are going so slow. He’s shy and the relationship is so awkward. I have talked to him about it, and he is aware of it, but things are only changed slightly. My friends say I should be making the first moves. …Help???”

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Sandy,
Sometimes guys can be just as shy as girls and according to the Spoon, my beloved boyfriend, it’s often due to being nervous. And since this guy has never had a girlfriend before it’s going to be awkward, he’s probably as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. New relationships are often awkward because they are just starting out and you have to figure things out. If it’s only been a couple of weeks give it time to work itself out. Honestly, you can’t expect instant results, hon, they don’t just happen, at least for the most part.

Now onto you making the moves. Here’s the deal, and be prepared for a little blunt honest advice from Lucky, get some guts and act. It is completely appropriate for girls to make the first move every now and again. This is not the 50s or earlier where making the first move brands you slutty and stupid. Initiate something and see where it goes. You can grab his hand, you can be the one that kisses him first, honestly wherever you are wanting to take this, you can start going first. Talking doesn’t always help because he may know that you feel awkward and want him to make a move, but he may not know what to do. You said you were his first girlfriend so, take the lead, it will help you both. And keep talking, don’t just shut down because you get frustrated.

Perhaps if you start making the first moves he’ll loosen up and things will get better. If he sees that you are comfortable moving forward and sees where you want to go, then I think it’s possible that he will feel more comfortable moving in that direction as well. I’m no expert, but that’s my two cents. Talk to him some more and get the courage to act. You are just as guilty of making things slow if you don’t make a move either. Communication is key, and with a little work things just might work out.

Just remember Lucky is no relationship expert, just a college junior with some experience. Relationships are trial and error and there are no guarantees. I certainly wish you the best of luck.

Lucky

42 things that girls should do for guys…

Everyone thinks about the things guys should do for their girls, and that’s all fine, well, and good. But then they forget that guys are people too. There are just some things that we, the female population, should do for the guys in our lives. We often expect a great deal from them, and sometimes we are not as grateful for what they do as we should be. Oh and please remember people! What do the Pirates say? “These are more like guidelines, than actual rules…” I know there are exceptions to everything and everyone is different. I know these are not essential to a wonderful relationship.

1. As much as you want to talk about past relationships, keep it to a minimum, unless he asks. You don’t want him to feel like he’s in competition with anyone.
2. Every guy has a ‘geeky’ side of him. Whether it be video games, DVD, WoW, anime, football among other sports, or whatever. Don’t make fun of him if you don’t like it, either tolerate it, or learn to like it. DO NOT try to change him. If he’s constantly ignoring you for that hobby of his, tell him.
3. When you hug the boy, hold tight. It doesn’t hurt to rest your head on him either.
4. Compromise for movies. Watch his favorite movies and he’ll give in for the movie you want to see.
5. Sometimes pay for the date! I know guys hate this, but if he takes you out constantly, it’s more than likely he’s going to be poor! Treat him sometime. Even if you just buy the snacks!
6. Hold his hand!! Even in the mall when you have a ton of bags, hold his hand.
7. Don’t run away from his favorite stores, if you don’t like them! Watch him. Gift ideas!!
8. Any time your guy gives you a compliment, don’t just roll your eyes. He means it, and you should smile and say thank you.
9. Guys are pressured to take the relationship to a “deeper level”. Stupid society. Anyway, if you dont want that in a relationship, tell him before things get too complicated! You can compromise too. If you are uncomfortable with something, STOP.
10. “Fine” or “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation. Only makes matters worse.
11. Life isn’t a drama or a movie. This is real life, people. They don’t often come with a sword, armor, and a white steed. If they do come with armor, it’s typically rusty. If they come with a white steed; it’s probably slow. And if they come with a sword { which is strange, but mine came with many}; it has probably never slain a dragon or defended a castle.
12. NEVER EVER kick them in the place below the belt. Even in a fight or argument, just don’t do it.
13. TRUST HIM. Don’t scream when he looks at another girl. We know you were goggling at the cute guy that just passed. It’s nature. Don’t dig through his phonebook, and hey, guys can have female friends just like girls can have male friends. If this makes things awkward, talk about it.
14. This should go without saying. Love him for who he is! Don’t worry about what others think. Don’t try to change him into what’s cool and hip. Some compromises can be made, and tell him that if he ever has a problem you changing him, to tell you.
15. In an argument, just because society stereotypes women as being smarter, more mature, and men as dumb and immature, doesn’t mean you are always right.
16. Listen to him. Even if it’s something you don’t want to hear. Good communication is key.
17. Cook. It may sound stereotypical, but a lot of guys like having a meal cooked for them. A lot of it is the thought, but if you truly are terrible, then maybe this isn’t one you should try. If you know how to cook, maybe teach him, or you both can learn together.
18. Sing. Many girls underestimate how well they sing. You don’t have to be able to sing 10 octaves or whatever. Don’t be embarrassed to sing in front of a guy, just let yourself go a bit and have some fun.
19. A girl has the right to show off her body, but keep your pride and dignity. Be careful! If you show off too much, guys (and just people in general) may get the wrong message and make assumptions.
20. Just like girls want girl time, guys want guy time. Giving your guy space to hang with his friends is not only fair, but it shows you trust him in a way.
21. Respect the guy for who he is, not because he earns your respect. Guys relate to each other on a respect level, and if you want him to open up to you, he has to know that you don’t look down on him.
22. Let your guy take pictures of you. He may not admit it, but that picture will probably be with him always. Even if you think it looks horrible.
23. Don’t always expect the guy to be the one to call. It is okay to call your boyfriend on occasion, and it shows him that you care about him and are thinking about him. And don’t get upset if for some reason he doesn’t have time to talk. He does have a life
24. Remind him that you appreciate all the sweet little things he does for you. Let him know it’s not all in vain.
25. If a guy uses a key to let you into his car, reach over and open the door before he gets to it. I know this may be common sense to most girls, but you know, some do not do this. It’s a tiny little action that can make a guy go “Hey, she’s considerate.”
26. Let the guy open the door for you or do any other chivalric action. He’s fulfilling your wish for a gentleman, don’t deny him the chance to do something nice for you. Thank him! You are doing all these wonderful things for him, let him return the favor.
27. Communicate with him. Tell him directly what’s on your mind. You can always hope that he’ll get your subtle hints or body language, but if it’s important, you’re better off using words. Guys aren’t always in tune with our subtlety.
28. Sometimes you have to take the initiative. Don’t always wait for him to come to you, because if that’s how it always is, you’re going to lose him.
29. If they buy you jewelry, wear it around them, even if you don’t like it. They will appreciate it, because it’s the thought that counts.
30. A word of appreciation now and then regarding his protective/kind/chivalrous attitude will go miles toward the end. You won’t regret it.
31. When you are talking to a guy you are interested in, lean in, touch his arm or hand, while your talking. Physical touch communicates interest and value.
32. Whether it’s from across the room or while your talking let him know that you are only interested in what he has to said. So look into his eyes and smile.
33. Never judge him based on his friends. They may give some insight, but sometimes guys as well as girls can befriend people that are completely opposite of themselves because they like the change. Don’t let who he hangs around with be the deciding factor of your judgments about him. Get to know him.
34. Cute is what he is when he does something goofy, not how you should compliment his looks.Tell him he looks handsome… or any other word you’d use to describe James Bond. Just like you want to be called beautiful, he’d rather be handsome.
35. Let him know you’re on his side and that you support him and believe in him.
36. Call him instead of IMing or e-mail. Let him talk to you and hear your voice. Note: sometimes, it can’t be helped. Long distance relationships are sometimes forced to use AIM. In this case, use a camera!! You can see him and hear him.
37. Write him letters! If you want to tell him something but just can’t come up with the words in person, take the time to write them down. He’ll appreciate it because he can read word for word how you feel for him over and over again, and you know he won’t forget it.
38. Girls should do little things for guys. If they ask for a drink, just get it for them cause they don’t ask often. Or surprise them with little gifts (even if homemade) it’ll show them that you care about them and thought about them during the day, even if they don’t admit it, they like it as much as we do
39. DON’T CHEAT ON HIM! IT’S NEVER WORTH IT! He WILL find out one way or another and odds are you guys are through. Whether you were already split up or still dating… you’ll be lucky if he still wants to be your friend!
40. Forgive him. Not hundreds of times for the same mistakes, but relationships are going to have problems and there will be apologies on both sides… Forgiveness is a huge part of a relationship. You may not always want to do it, and he will definitely not always deserve it, but then again, we don’t necessarily always deserve forgiveness either…
41. If you know that you and the one you are with should end the relationship, have the integrity and respect to tell them that the relationship is over. Do not just leave and never speak to them again. It’s not fair.
42. Don’t mess with a guy if you know they like you. This could cause the end of a friendship. If he’s your friend, be a friend. Leading him on is just wrong; chances are he likes you even though he knows he doesn’t have a shot, and letting him think he has one then yanking it away is just plain bitchy, no other word for it.

More Advice From the College Girl

I am a second semester sophomore in college and shall definitely be a junior next year. This gives me a great deal of insight into the world that is college, so I decided to pass on some of my knowledge all you college freshmen as well as those of you soon to be college freshmen. Well any college student might be able to benefit from this entry. So here are some notes, lessons, and hints about college that I’ve learned in the past two years.

• Live life. College is amazing, you meet people from everywhere. Don’t let class get in your way when it comes to living life. By all means, go to parties, stay up late with friends, spend too much time on aim and other instant messagers instead of working. Enjoy college life for all its worth because the experiences are once in a life time. You don’t get a redo on the party you missed last weekend.
• Get on Facebook. It’s addicting and fun. You will meet people in classes that you’ll want to stay in touch with, but the bad thing is you may not be able to have another class with them. Facebook lets you keep up with people even if you don’t get to see them all the time. It’s a great way to stay in touch with new friends and find new people. Join groups, post notes, share pictures.
• Go to class once in a while. Don’t let life get in the way of getting your degree either. I know that the first note said don’t let class get in the way of life, but you do still have to get an education at some point. Attend class, study if need be, and learn something. The good thing is that you meet people who will be able to help you in classes and help you survive.
• Get involved. Find something you enjoy and get into it. For me it’s Mock Trial, for you it may be sports or going Greek. Whatever it is just do it. Meet people, hang out, enjoy life. It gives you a way to both relax and meet people. You’ll find something you’re good at and find friends who share interests.
• Register early. When you register for classes do it as soon as possible. Otherwise you’ll have issues getting classes you want and need.
• Visit Rate My Professor. Check out professors before you take their class. It’s a sometimes helpful way to find out about their teaching styles, grading styles, and much more. Just find your school then the professor. But take everything here with a grain of salt cause not everyone rates fairly or honestly.
• Be a camera whore/picture junkie. Everything happens fast in life, and college is no different. There are things you’ll want to remember for a long time. Take pictures and save them because somethings will only happen once and when they’re gone, they’re gone. But photos last a lifetime, provided you don’t discover they are of thing you wish you could forget and burn them.
• Don’t lose yourself. Sometimes you get wrapped up in the college life and forget who you are. Don’t let it happen. College will change you. Let college help you find out who you really are instead of losing yourself. Don’t let people tell you who you should be and get convinced to do things that you don’t want to do and will regret. It should happen like that.

Notes on the female species

 

I have a lot of guy friends; some of my very best friends are guys, and I love them to death. They are my brothers, my comforters, my confidants, my protectors, and so much more. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. I also have a fantastic boyfriend, who I really love. Over the years I’ve heard the same repeated statements relating to those of the female persuasion. Things like “I don’t get her at all.” “What is up with her attitude about ____” “I just said ____ and she freaked out.” And my favorite from the Spoon- “I love you, but I just don’t get it. Explain this to me.”

And I notice that there are just some things guys may never really understand unless they are laid out before them. Some things get taken for granted. Not to say this is true for all guys, but many. I know a lot of guys who really pick up on the small things that get over looked. As a good guy friend told me once. “It just so happens that we guys are as complicated as women are. For example we only see how good you look after you’ve put the work into looking that good. We can’t see the work. And part of that is that sometimes we assume it’s natural; so we don’t mention it” And Spoony told me at one point. “I love you, which means that I may know it took you two hours to get your hair and face to look that good, but it doesn’t matter. Because you are beautiful anyway, even when I surprise you and you are dressed in pajamas, a robe, and the ever so great bed head.”

The thing is… we women can be too subtle, confusing, difficult, eccentric, picky, vague, and sometimes down right bizarre. I don’t purport to speak for the entire female population by any means, but I really think that most of these things are true about most women at least some of the time. And for the most part I think every woman can say they’ve either done something in the notes or find something here very true. I also do not claim that this is a complete list. I’t’s possible that I will add to this list in the future. So here are my notes on members of the female species:

• Sometimes we take five minutes to get ready and sometimes we take three hours, but it takes time to get pretty and look this good. We do appreciate it when you notice that we look good and mention it. But don’t mention that it must have taken a while to get that way.
• We love you “nice” guys more than you know. But sometimes we fail to let you know. Thank you for rescuing us, defending us, listening to our complaints about other guys, and just being there.
• “Fine” is never really a good thing. Not at the end of a fight, and not as an answer to any question about how we are. Fine is synonymous with “you’re wrong, but I’m tired of this stupid fight”, “I feel like crap”, “terrible”, “sucky”, “you suck and I’m now not going to talk to you until you apologize and admit that I’m right and you’re wrong”, and so much more. We are definitely lying most of the time when we say “fine”
• While on this subject of we lie. A lot of the times we lie to you in order to keep you from seeing our pain. Sounds stupid I know, but it’s the truth. We say nothing is wrong and smile really big, but inside it hurts like hell and we really want to cry. Sometimes when you ask what’s wrong and we lie and say nothing, what we really want is you to look us in the eye and call us liars. {Side note from Lucky. Spoony can read me like a book by looking into my eyes; he has in fact called me a liar after I told him nothing was wrong.}
• Even after you’ve been forgiven, what ever you did is still kept in a file somewhere in our memories, especially when you cheat, lie, or otherwise really hurt us. It stays there and if you do it again we will associate the two and be even angrier.
• We trust you with our hearts, and they can be easily broken. And those breaks don’t often heal fast. Think about that before you do something stupid. Betraying that trust and breaking our hearts can sometimes do irreparable damage.
• Sometimes we trust you even when we know we might get hurt and probably shouldn’t. We are at times willing to risk a great deal in order to trust you. Don’t make it so we do get hurt.
• There are many times when we prefer to be told we are beautiful or pretty, as opposed to sexy, hott, cute, etc. It’s just that beautiful is such a better word that hott or sexy; it makes us feel loved and cared for.
• Speaking of love, don’t say it if you don’t mean it or aren’t sure. Love is a big word that means a great deal. Don’t lead us on or get us attached if you aren’t. The word may mean more than you know to a girl. {See note on the fact we trust you with our hearts.}
• Little things sometimes make us happier than big things. Giving us your coats, holding our hands, flowers at random, holding us close mean more than expensive jewelry, fancy dinners, and things like that.
• Certain subjects, like weight or the way clothes fit, should be avoided. Sometimes it’s best just say we look good then to specify how.
• We have guy friends, and at times we will confide in them, hug them, and tell them how great they are. We are allowed to do this because they do so much for us. You will never know how many times our guy friends have walked us to our cars to keep us safe, and convinced us to stay with you, especially after you have done something stupid that we said was “fine” and have decided not to forgive. Face it, sometimes you owe a lot to the guy friend; so don’t be jealous be grateful.