It’s Summer Time

So I’m running out of awesome creative titles for my posts. Please ignore the failure of topic titles.

As my days at Middle have come to a close, I find myself remembering that I’ve got to take care of some housekeeping. I was reminded this morning as I tried to access my campus email, to have my messages forwarded, and could not use my pipeline account to access my email. Gasp, Middle is severing ties, at least until they want me to wear that t-shirt and send them money. So now, I need to give them an email address to forward my mail, tell Facebook to use my new email address, make it stop sending notifications, and let everyone know that they can contact me through the new email, which is conveniently attached to my little used AM account. That reminds me, it’s time I started using that again. There is a lot to do as summer begins in earnest,and I find myself now officially a college grad. I’m waiting on the LSAC to post my LOR, which is way longer than it should; it’s got me incredibly frustrated because without the letter I can’t apply to this last law school and if I can’t get in there I have to wait a year for law school, which I really don’t want to do for reasons I will get to later.

I’ve decided I will try to start my little fictional blog project, and everything is set to do so. I’ve got the three main characters mapped out, a few minor characters planned, and a couple of plot lines I want to play through.  I even know how I will set up the blog. I have just one problem. I can’t think of a title. Since Andi, the main character, is to be a writer, I want the title to make at least a small reference to writing. At the moment I am toying with the following idea “Worn Jeans, Chipped Polish, and Brand New Pens”, but that feels really wordy. I want it to suit her sort of low maintenance persona; Andi is the kind of woman who wears well broken in jeans, her nail polish is always chipped, her room is a mess, and yet she always has a new pen to write with and a can always find it. So if you have idea for a title, throw it my way.

Like I said earlier, it’s summer time, and that means planning a mini vacation. My aunt gave me a time share for graduation, but she didn’t get the info to me very fast, so I’m flailing about trying to plan a time and location, which depends on availability. I’d like to go to Myrtle Beach, since I’ve never been and it’s a pretty place, but I may not get to go there. I need to find a place and get it all settled pretty quick since plans will have to be made around the vacation, like rescheduling hair appointments and things. Yeah, this paragraph is short and bland and pointless.

Monday was Memorial Day, and we spent the day at my nanny’s; there was some cooking to be done and a quilt that needed laid out so that she could set it together. Wash was also in attendance; he came that evening after he got off work. We had a really good time, and Wash fit in very well. Buddy, the massive rottie, took to him very quickly and with absolutely no problems. Buddy usually at least growls at strangers, but he just  leaned on Wash so that he would pet him. It was barbecue and laughs, and if there hadn’t been mosquitoes it would’ve been perfect. Wash played football with the kid brother, and after Mom and the kid left, Wash and I wrestled around with the ball for a while. Wash and my Nanny talked about stuff, and I tried not get eaten alive by the bugs. Everyone seems to like him a lot, and I’m pretty sure they do. That’s good, because I happen to love him, a lot. As always pictures are on my Flikr; they are in the Memorial Day 2009 set.

Wash is part of the reason I don’t want to wait a year for law school. You see waiting a year for law school means adding a year to the wait to make Wash and I permanent, something we are planning to do eventually. It’s not really smart to try and start a life while I’m in law school, since I can only work 20 hours a week and will be super busy, and he’s in grad school, especially considering that we may very well be at different schools to finish off our educations. Three years is a long enough wait, but now, unless I get very lucky, it looks like at least four years. Yes, dear readers, I lack patience, and I always have. Honestly, after all the hurdles and all the pain I’ve had in my life, finally things are looking up again. I’m happy with Wash, and I want to make things permanent; this whole mess with law school and complications is getting old. I guess it’s just that when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. If there weren’t things that made it too difficult, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t mind making it permanent in a year, when he graduates college. Alas for the complications. Anyway the rain is pouring now, and I’ve rambled on for long enough.

Quote of the day: “I want to cry like the rain
Cry like the rain
Shine like sun on a beautiful mornin’
Sing to the heavens like the church bells ringin’
Fight with the devil and go down swingin’
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone
Love like I ain’t afraid to be alone
Take everything that this world has to give
I want to live” -”I Want to Live” Josh Gracin

Matters of the Heart

I shall try to attempt to avoid giving Wash a complex with this one, since I know how he feels about this kind of thing, but I’ve got to blog it out before it drives me crazy. I know Wash likes to read my blog, so I will just let him know right now, none of this means that things are changing between us. I like us, and I like they way things are going between us. I would like there to continue to be an us.

My dear readers, I’ve had another one of those days. I was finally healing up; the old wound was finally closing and while a piece of me would always be a little screwed up, I was finally working my way past it.  I was chilling on the couch, healing my LSAT melted brain, when I got a text from Spoony, the ex. I haven’t heard from him since December, when he sent me a message on myspace, which I will not get into, and I was finally letting it all go. I had been talking to Wash, via text, while he was at work, I’m assuming, and I was relaxing after the LSAT, and so when my phone went off I naturally thought it was from Wash. But it wasn’t, it was three words from Spoony that opened up an old wound and poured salt in it: “I got married!” It wasn’t the fact that I now know that there is no shot that we will ever get back together, I knew that a long time ago. I suppose it was just the fact that he destroyed me and then he got married before me, if it’s even true. I suppose it  was the fact that I’d finally pushed it all almost to the back, and there was a reminder of all that had been, all the good that vanished, all that was supposed to be. I guess it was partially the fact that he knew what it could do to me and did it anyway. But I’m healing again, and I will ok. I don’t need the ex, and I don’t want him back. I have Wash, and Wash makes me happy. I care about him, and maybe, just maybe things will work out with him. It’s for the best really, and I am going to be just fine.

Speaking of Wash and matters of the heart, I suppose  that message should do something positve in that it should remove any fears or thoughts that Spoony will get between us, not that I think Wash was concerned about it. And it also means, that if there was even a small part of me that held out hope, it can now be shut down, and I can be open to letting myself fall if it happens. I really do care a lot for Wash, and we are really clicking. I’m very happy with him, very happy, and things are moving forward at a normal pace. We’ve been together three months, and I’ve met his ‘rents, who for some strange reason like me; we are probably going to do round two, and he can meet my ‘rents some time in the near future. I think I’ll keep him around, readers, I really like him a lot. Things happen for a reason, and though it may seem hokey, perhaps I was meant lose the ex in order to find the right one. I don’t know that Wash is the right one, but maybe he is. And if he is then things will work out. I do want to see where this goes, to see whether or not this can last, and like I told Wash the other day. “We’ll see where this goes. It’s too soon to tell. But it will be like the distance of a superspeedway, with all the chaos that is Bristol.” Yes, Wash, I do want to keep you around for a while, and I think I will.

Valentine’s Day is next Saturday, and I’ve bought his present. I need to get some red wrapping paper and pick up a few things because as always the first V-day should be special. I have no idea what we are going to do, other than the typical dinner, because there is nothing to do in this stupid town. I mean, the good news is that Wash has the night off, which means we get to be normal. But I hate to drag him to yet another chick flick, and the only decent movie left that we haven’t seen, that would be a V-day movie, is the new one He’s Just Not That Into You. It doesn’t seem to be one either of us would be interested in, and so now I’m thinking maybe we should have waited to see Bride Wars, which was hilarious and a great movie, this weekend instead of last monday. Plus I have a bad feeling the movie theater will be jam packed.  Hindsight my friends, it is 20/20. So I’m still racking my brain for V-day plans that don’t include me dressed ridiculously nice at the bowling alley. It’s harder than you think, regardless of my female brain and it’s supposedly great ability to come up with stuff like this. But I have some shopping to do, so I will dash off, and continue to rack my brain for plans for a special V-day with Wash.

Quote of the Day:  “Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you’ll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but theres also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who’s been standing beside you all along. ” – Marion St. Claire, Bride Wars

“You’d be so pretty if you weren’t fat”

Believe it or not, I have heard those words on more than one occassion. And yes, before you ask, they were directed specifically toward me. I was shopping with my mum, yeah yeah lame whatever, for some sweaters and stuff to update my wardrobe because as usual this winter I was without decent sweaters and long sleeve shirts; anyway I was walking into the dressing room, sweaters in hand, and just as I enter the little room I hear this woman telling  me that I have chosen some nice shirts. When I turn to thank her she said something else, and I wanted to smack the hell out of her. She looks me dead in the face and says “You know, sweetie, you’d be really pretty if you weren’t fat.” My jaw drops, and I bite back a stream of cuss words, which was a feat in its self; just about the time I come up with something coherent that isn’t full of cuss words and is just sarcasm and snark her skinny daughter comes out of the dressing room with a stack of jeans and shirts and the two vanished. Dumbfounded and irritated, I entered the dressing room and tried on my sweaters. This was not the first time someone has told me I’d be pretty if I weren’t fat. In fact, I’m used to it, though it still irritates me. I’ve heard those words from a variety of people, and, while it does still hit me hard at times, I’ve gotten to the point where I just want to look at them and say “Thank you Captain Obvious. I realize that if I were slimmer and more fit I’d be more attractive. I realize that my fat stomach is not pleasing to the eye. I get it, so I’m working on it. By the way, I’m well aware of the fact that I am not skinny, but that doesn’t make me ugly. Worry about your own body, thanks.”

Granted, I do need to lose weight. That is one thing I knew long ago, but with stress and mock and classs I’ve been so busy and so fried that I just couldn’t focus on working out and eating right. But I’ve come to the realization that I have to do it, I have to lose the weight and get in shape. Otherwise I’m just going to continue being huge and out of shape and unhealthy, and I just can’t deal with that. I’m tired of knowing that I am fat, regardless of what Wash, Spoony, D –, and everyone else has told me. I’m tired of not being able to wear what I want to wear, and I’m tired of feeling like a blimp next to my friends. I’ve been the fat friend for far too long, and I’m done with it. I know that I can be attractive, there are days when I feel absolutely fantastic about my appearance, except for my weight. Last night I took my measurements, so I could set myself some goals, and I was appalled. Needless to say I will not be posting them here, ever, but I have sert some goals and made a plan, and I’m going to reach them.

Today I’m a bit sore, and I’m glad. It means that I am working my muscles and burning fat. Every night I go at least a mile on the treadmill, which is really boring but effective, and I use the ab lounge, which I have affectionately named the Rack. I’m also weight training because muscle burn fat and I need to build up my muscle any way. That reminds me that I need to buy some wristbraces so I don’t destroy my wrists, especially my right one that I broke and never healed properly, doing curls and bench presses. I impressed myself last night when I was doing my lower body work out; I did 50 lbs on my legs, and, though I’m pretty sore, it feels pretty awesome. Also I’m pleased to report that my Slimfast shakes are actually fairly awesome; they don’t taste bad, and I think they are working. I wasn’t as hungry as I normally am, and I had a lot more energy. I’m already feeling better, and it makes me excited.

Quote of the Day: “Don’t you know you’re beautiful?
Don’t you know you’re beautiful?
Don’t you know you’re beautiful?
Just the way you are!”- Kellie Pickler, “Don’t You Know You’re Beautiful”

“If your library is not ‘unsafe’, it probably isn’t doing its job.”

“Did you ever hear anyone say ‘That work had better be banned because I might read it and it might be very damaging to me’?”– Joseph Henry Jackson

I have never seen the reason or intelligence in banning a book; in all honestly it may be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard of. I’m disappointed that this year I missed banned books week because I always try to read a book that is banned or challenged during that week. I suppose that since I am in the process of reading Stephanie Meyer’s New Moon when I have the time it might count. I predict that eventually the idiots of this world will begin to protest and challenge that series too. After all, these are the people who want powerful books that mean something to be banned. As you can tell I am of the opinion that no book should ever be banned, regardless of its subject matter or ‘ideas’.

Most people who want a book banned have either not read the book, fear the book, do not understand the book, misread the book, find the book disagrees with their personal ideas or beliefs, are offended by the book, or some combination of those things. Case in point: the Harry Potter series. I am a huge fan of the books, and as an adult I probably get more out of it intellectually and philosophically than a younger reader, and let me tell you something about them. J.K. Rowling speaks on issues and ideas far beyong the ‘magic and witchcraft’ that many people fear; she writes about power, not just magical, and hope and fear. She writes about tolerance, loyalty, understanding, and true friendship. If people understood, truly understood, the books, then they would understand that and would not want to ban them. No book will teach your child to be a witch, so please get your head out of your ass for two seconds long enough to pay attention to what you are saying. No book will corrupt your child if you have raised them correctly.  Holbrook Jackson once said “Fear of corrupting the mind of the younger generation is the loftiest form of cowardice.” He is right. Those who fear such corruption of the younger generation, merely fear the fact that a younger generation might well become smarter than their predecessors.

“To prohibit the reading of certain books is to declare the inhabitants to be either fools or slaves.” – Claude Adrien Helvetius

Fear should not dictate your choices, and neither should blind prejudice and ignorance. That goes for more than just who you speak to or what you say. It applies to what you read and allow your children to read. Am I saying that your five year old should get her hands on your smutty Danielle Steele novel? Absolutely not, there are books not suitable for certain ages. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t ban a book because it might offend someone or because it mentions something you don’t believe in. So a book mentions homosexuality and you aren’t gay, big deal. That doesn’t make a book something to be banned and swept off the shelves. No book should be banned, no idea squelched, no knowledge forbidden. “An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.” Oscar Wilde was a brilliant writer, and I’m almost positive many would have his writings banned. But ideas must be powerful, and they must not be hidden.  To ban a book is to say “You cannot think for yourself, or form your own ideas about what you read so I must do it for you.” And that, readers, is wrong.

“All of us can think of a book… that we hope none of our children or any other children have taken off the shelf. But if I have the right to remove that book from the shelf – that work I abhor – then you also have exactly the same right and so does everyone else. And then we have no books left on the shelf for any of us.” Katherine Paterson once said, and she is right. The shelves of books must remain full, so that we may read and thus grow. Each book that is removed deprives our children and our future of ideas and knowledge. And when all the books are gone we will live in a world like George Orwell’s 1984, where the Thought Police may get us. I always think back to Fahrenhiet 451 a book that I read in high school and remains on my shelf to remind me. Books are not for burning, and to burn them is to give up freedom we so desperately need.

And finally there is the chief stupidity of banning books. That is the fact that banning a book drives us to read it, if only to see why it was banned. This semester in my Adolescent Literature course have read The Catcher in the Rye, and I still do not see the logic in banning, nor the reason for doing so. I actively seek out a book if it is banned, out of natural curiosity and rebellion. Tell a child not to do something, and that child will do it. Mark Twain once said “Adam was but human – this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple’s sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.” As humans we can’t resist the things that are forbidden to us, we seek out what cannot have and are told we must not do; it is a part of our natures. To ban a book is to ask us to read it.

I know I quoted a fair few people, but they are smart folks who know what they were talking about. Banning books is stupid and wrong. To ban a book is to violate freedom and to treat a person as though they are not smart enough to think for themselves. In conclusion to this very long entry, I leave you with this thought. Read a banned book today, no matter what it is, and exercise your freedom to think for yourself.

Quote of the Day: “The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame.” Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Stepping Over the Line, Mock Trial Style

So I wasn’t going to do a follow up entry on the tournament because to be quite honest there wasn’t much to talk about. We had some crazy judges, I thought we still did rather well, clearly I was wrong. Our scores were very poor. I’m very disappointed, and as the captain and senior mocker with the most experience many people look to me to find out what went wrong. The truth is I’m not exactly sure, and I will be up tonight reviewing ballots in between reading C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters and whatever other weekend homework I’ve got. I’ve got an idea or two about what went wrong, but I can’t be sure until I spend some time looking at the ballots. I do gladly take on the responsibility of being captain and being the one who has to buckle down and do the work. I’ve got the experience and I need to use it. Coaches come to me, other mockers come to me, and I’m barely staying sane. But I’m managing, as I always have. However, it is completely unfair to blame me for the team’s failings and to expect me to bear most of the load on my shoulders.

That brings me to the reason I’m doing this blog when I’ve already mentioned that I hadn’t planned on it. Last night Team Shagnasty had a scrimmage, like we do every Thursday night, and the Vilator, a coach, was the judge. All rounds that include the Vilator as judge involve not continuing straight through the round because he will without fail interrupt you and make comments during your directs, crosses, and closings, and generally that makes the round last forever. Also, the Vilator plays favorites, which is common and I’m used to it, and has little tact, which I am also used to. So Shagnasty was the defense and that meant that I directed the last witness, BNN President Kit Berkshire, and then closed. Vilator interrupts the Berkshire direct to rag on K about her British accent, which except for this crazy bitchy judge in round 1 all the other judges like. This would not have been a problem if that hadn’t sparked into a tirade about how our team was a waste to send to tournaments because we suck and basically implying that it was all my fault. Way inappropriate, embarrassing, and hurtful. I will not lie, it really got to me.

Now, I suppose you are wondering why I would be upset over this, since I am an adult and an experienced mocker who is used to criticism like this. Well here is why. First of all, it is terribly heartbreaking to be a captain who’s team comes out of a tournament with a record as bad as we did. It really upset me that we did that poorly, so to be constantly reminded of this is painful. It is also out of line to say that the team is a waste. It’s fucking October, the team was brand new with about four weeks of real practice and only two of us had ever been to a tournament. No one is on their A game this early, ever. He compared us to Mal’s team, which is ok because they did well, but to highlight that Mal’s team was up top while we were at the very bottom, and to do it so rudely, was inappropriate. Mal’s team is stacked, they have 4 returners who went to Nationals. The final blow of the night was when the Vilator looks directly at me and says this “It’s not fun to lose, is it?” Thus once more highlighting our failings openly and rudely in front of everyone, including Cornflake’s little sister, a guest. To me, that is stepping over the line, and I honestly am very pissed off about it.

So that is my mock trial entry, one I didn’t intend to write.

Quote of the Day: “The past is a foreign country. They do things differently there.” J.P. Hartley, The Go Between