It’s almost Christmas time…

So dear readers, it’s that time of year again. Almost Christmas, in fact tomorrow is Christmas Eve; I know obvious, Zoe, obvious. I live in TN, where there’s rarely any snow, and so I’m sure that we will not see snow this year at all. In fact it will be sixty degrees outside tomorrow, at least that’s what the weatherman said this morning. I am a bit disappointed because it was getting really cold, down in the teens and I was hoping for a little snow this year. But I suppose I’ll get over it, I always do. The last time I remember snow and ice on Christmas I was not older than maybe thirteen or fourteen, and I remember getting my new suede boots nearly ruined in the snow that year.  That was a long time ago it seems, back when things made more sense in my family and in my life. This Christmas I’m reminded of last, when it was a different show, when there was a different man in my life, when I was damn near engaged. Spoony gave me a ring that year and asked me to some day marry him. We celebrated for the first time as a group without Wallis-san. This Christmas we aren’t celebrating as a group; things are too messed up for that this year. Spoony and I had that horrible falling apart, and the group is torn apart and spread out. I miss those group nights in the bonus room, playing video games or cards, drinking too much coke and laughing so hard. But things have changed, and I am accepting it. So I’ll be celebrating differently, going out with a different man, laughing and joking and kissing someone else.

Wash and I are going to see Ice tonight, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and I am excited. No kidding, I wanted to see that last year and we never got around to it, but we are going tonight. I am a procrastinator like whoa, so I bought his present today, and I’m not sure whether he will get online so I’m not going to tell what I got him. I just hope no one else got him the same thing or that he doesn’t have it already. I will be really upset. I wrapped it, and it is sitting on my table now, ready to be picked up when he comes to get me. I’m so taking lots and lots of pictures. Anyway, I need to get all cute and ridiculous looking in my new pink sweater. Ick, pink, I never wear pink, but I guess pink is better than another black sweater, which I seem to collect, and considering its Christmas I should not be so dark and gloomy. So that is my mini-blog entry on Christmas so far. Stay tuned for more.

Quote of the Day: Well I know there’s more snow up in Colorado than my roof will ever see
But a tender Tennessee Christmas is the only Christmas for me

Caught up and Making a Choice

Two different wedding gowns
and two different men,
two different worlds I could live in.
One I’ve known forever
and one I’ve only met;
and I don’t know where to go just yet.
I am but one woman
with two paths before me
and two lives I could live.
I must make choice;
I’m caught up in this game.
It’s not fair to ask this of me;
I wish I could love both the same.
It’s not so simple, not so easy
to decide where I belong;
there is the fear as always
that I could be wrong.
Give me strength and wisdom
since you dictate that I must choose.
Please guide my heart;
I have so much to lose.
I’m caught up in this painful game
I’m not the only player
there is so much at stake here
so many for which I care.
Two different wedding gowns
and two different men,
two different worlds I could live in.
One I’ve known forever
and one I’ve only met;
and I don’t know where to go just yet.

Ch-Ch-Changes

Well readers, I’ve been meaning to let you know that this was happening, but with finals and papers and all manner of crazy that is occurring, it totally slipped my mind. The name of this blog is changing from The Life and Times of a Girl Called Lucky to The Life and Times of a Woman Called Zoe. You see Zoe is sort of the mature, slightly, and at least adult revamp of Lucky. Same author, new name to represent a change in the author’s world view and the like. The girl who started this blog as a freshman in college has at least to some extent, maybe the smallest extent, grown up and she has sort of faded. All the lessons that Lucky has learned have been added to the knowledge and perspective of Zoe. Now faced with the looming real world of law school and then real life as opposed to the at least somewhat sheltered life of a college student, Zoe has emerged, and she was a long time coming. I mean think have started happening that make me think in very adult future oriented fashion. For example, TBR, Tennessee Board of Regents, a committee overseeing my campus has been doing things that will seriously devalue my degree, meaning that I along with other students with brains and lead by intelligent professors who care about our education have to fight. TBR wants to do things like force students to take online classes and take professors out of the classroom, and they have nerve to say that the professors and faculty who are letting us, the students, know what is happening are being irresponsible. So you see, dear readers, I now have to worry about the fact some crazy idiots may pass a ‘business model’ plan that might make my degree worthless.

Besides that Lucky was Spoony’s girl, and she was sort of scared and nervous. She wasn’t as confident nor as strong as I have become recently with the help of good friends, like Brandi and S-ra. She was a bit less snarky and blunt, and she didn’t always tell it like it is the way I do now. I used to be different, less in your face and bam. But now I see that I can’t be Lucky anymore because Lucky got kicked around and walked all over, and I refuse to let that happen anymore.  Zoe stands up, and Lucky took it. I guess this may sound stupid to my readers, and if you decide this diminishes me and what I say, then fine, I won’t take it personally. Honestly, Lucky is childish, and Zoe is less so. I won’t say that the snark will be more mature or the ideas will suddenly become ‘adult’ because I’m still in my early twenties, but I will say that I will have less of a childish feel.

Priorities have also changed for me. It’s now not just about the grades and then being approved of by my peers and whether I am a likable person. Yes I realize that not caring how many people like me may seem a little harsh and callous and whatnot, but honestly it no longer seems important that everyone loves me and finds me pleasant. I am strong enough to make it without the approval of everyone in the world. Lucky would’ve worried a lot about whether or not Spoony and the mockers and all the professors and everyone else thought she was ok. I don’t think I need that anymore, I’m not the girl I used to be. I am Zoe, changing my name here just marks a change in me.

Quote of the Day:  “Who I am is who I wanna be ” –Reba McEntire, “I’m a Survivor”