Belgium… I need a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster

Yes I know how unspeakably rude that word is and I don’t care. It’s been a pretty rough week, and frankly Belgium may the only appropriate word for just how rough it’s been.

In fact I’ve had two really terrible nights of Mock Trial, and it’s wearing me thin. I should be so much better than this, and I’m not. My arguments are off, my closings suck, and my direct is the worst thing I’ve ever dealt with. I don’t know whether it’s the case or what, but this year I’m off my game. I can’t seem to get anything right. It’s enough to make me want to quit mocking for good and go into something else. No I’m not seriously considering dropping Mock, but it’s not much fun when you feel like there is something wrong with you.

Besides that, I’ve just been assigned the paper from hell. Patrick has given us a ten to twelve page paper comparing the election campaign of ‘72 to the election campaign of ‘04 in three ways. I have to have thirteen sources, including Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ‘72. The other twelve have to be on aspects of the ‘04 campaign, four for each of the three factors. This is due by November 21st. Yes I know it seems like its a short time away, but I also have presentations to do, books and fairy tales to read and analyze, papers to write, mock trial work to deal with, etc. Brilliant really, and I’m not finished with the book for the paper yet.

And on top of all that, I go the worst news possible at this moment. Last night I find out that it will be late November before Spoony can move back. Some sort of delay with the house I guess. I cried my eyes out last night for at least three hours. And just thinking about it makes me want to cry some more. I know, I know, how pathetic can Lucky get? But it’s killing me. Every time the date of arrival gets even remotely close, there is a delay. And heaven forbid I start planning anything, because then the delay is almost guaranteed.

When Happily Ever After Fails

What do you do when the fairy tale
doesn’t turn out quite how you hoped?
How do you deal with an ending
that just isn’t what you planned?

How do you fix the mistakes you made
in learning how to love?
What happens when the things you know
aren’t exactly what they seemed?

What do you do when happily ever after fails
When your knight in shining armor is late?
Can you save yourself in the end
or will you be a victim of fate?

Does it mean that everything is fake
that nothing is even real?
Does it mean you can’t believe in
fairy tales and promises?

What if the rose wilts and fades?
What if the shoe doesn’t fit at all?
What if his kiss doesn’t make you wake?
What if your prince only falls?

What do you do when happily ever after fails
When your knight in shining armor is late?
Can you save yourself in the end
or will you be a victim of fate?

Maybe you don’t need him
or his kiss and his blade.
Maybe you don’t need that shoe
maybe you can just escape.

Fairy tales and promises
aren’t all there is to life.
Truth and hope bring victory
and they can save your life.

Blogging about blogging…

So I was looking through my old blogs, like on Xanga to be exact, and I’ve noticed something. I discovered that as I’ve grown older my blogging and reasons for blogging have changed dramatically.

I remember when blogging became a big deal. It was around my sophomore and junior year in high school. When I started my first blog it was on Xanga, and I only started it because everyone in high school had one. And I blogged mostly so that everyone could see that I wasn’t so far behind after all. I didn’t have my own computer; I was using my family computer, and I was doing merely for the comments. As time went on I started posted at least twice a week, usually short nothing posts to keep the thing active. But Xanga wasn’t a great blogging site. You had to pay to do a great deal of things and since everyone I knew had a site I wasn’t really comfortable spilling a lot of things out.

So flashfoward to now. I have three blogs, this one, phusebox, and the one on my myspace. Now I blog because I have something to say and at least here I have very few inhabitions. I don’t think anyone I know has a wordpress blog, and I haven’t told many people about my blog here. Now I don’t blog to be cool, I blog because I want to and because it is an excellent way to get things off my chest. I know I have a few people who peek in and read, but I keep everything relatively anonymous. I rarely use real names and the pictures that appear are rare and usually not even of me.

Reading through my blogs I’ve noticed that as I age and move through life my blog gets more and more honest. I’m more personal now, talking about everything from class to my love life, and from current events to personal rants. I just say what’s on my mind whether it is slightly offensive or blunt. There are things I keep to myself, things that I write down in my personal journal instead of posting online. But I post a lot of things here, on the internet in this blog.

I’ve grown up and so has my blog. I’m more mature and so are my posts. As the years push on I guess my blog will keep changing. It has less frills and dressings and more realism and honesty. After a while I guess I stopped worrying about what people thought of my blog, just as I stopped worrying so much about what people thought about me. I don’t care if no one comments, though comments are nice, as long as I can keep blogging. I thank everyone for their comments about this place, for reading my stuff. I thank you for sharing in my journey. Stay tuned for more adventures with this girl we call Lucky.

“Dispensing advice is a type of nostalgia”

Going back and checking my comments I sometimes feel compelled to offer some reply at times. I recieved a comment on 42 things that girls should do for guys asking for some advice. I’m not in business of dispensing advice often because advice is something that should be given cautiously. [Disclaimer: Lucky just had a Lord of the Rings, elven moment]

—————————————————————————————————————————

Shyla,
Here’s the deal, relationships are rarely easy. Erina, who commented back, is right. Email is very very high school, and almost too immature for high school. Telling a guy you how you feel is very difficult, and email may seem like a safe bet, exccept that email is impersonal and not everything can be conveyed properly through email. Talk to him, face to face, it doesn’t have to be in ‘public’ as you put it, but face to face is best. Ask him to meet you somewhere, and tell him in private if you don’t want to tell him in front of a bunch of people.

As for the busy schedules, if he feels the same way you can work it out. Trust me, you are talking to the queen of working out schedules. Spoony and I live in different states and different time zones. I know it may seem like a daunting task but if you really want this to work put forth the effort. Do not allow a busy schedule to make you miss out on something great. You will regret it later, I can promise you that much. Go for it and see how it goes.

Finally I can’t promise you that things will work out exactly as you want them to, in fact I can tell you things don’t play out the way you plan them very often. I’m no therapist, councelor, guru, etc. But I do have experience in things like this. College, age differences, and busy schedules will try to get in your way, but if you want it to work, you will figure something out. Life and love are rarely simple, but nothing ever really is. I wish you the best of luck Shyla, and hope things turn out well for you.

Lucky out.

Ok people, just take a chill pill…

Sometimes it so hard to deal with everything at once. I mean I hate how everyone wants something from me and I barely have time to deal with my own life. It is important to me that I am able to help people, and I don’t mind giving a little advice every now and again. But sometimes a girl needs time to work out her own stuff. I’m so busy fixing everyone else’s problems, but who is going to listen and fix mine. I’m a big girl; I can deal with my own issues, except that I never have time to do it. I’ve got to handle Mock Trial and homework; I have to take care of stuff around the house. I’m listening to K’s problems and J’s problems and Nic’s problems and trying my damnedest to solve them so no one goes crazy or freaks out. But I do have my own problems.

Take the fact that I’m in a serious long distance relationship, and I really love him. But we never get to talk because he is always at work or asleep because he works so much. No one get’s that, ever, they all want to judge and go nuts on me. I’m sick of the doubts and the snide comments. ‘Are you sure he isn’t cheating?’ Yes I’m pretty sure. ‘Why don’t you find someone closer?’ No one else can get any closer considering the fact Spoony takes up all of my heart and soul. Its really hard to go through life in love with a person you can’t see. No one ever thinks about that.

And for about five minutes I’d like to not think about the rest of the world. Lucky hasn’t had any ‘just herself’ time in a while. I haven’t slowed down long enough to do more than eat and half sleep. This is no way to live. I want to have time when it’s just relax and do nothing. I want to take the time to look pretty, not just decent for class or mock trial, but really pretty. After everything I think I’m owed that. Lucky hasn’t always looked tired and worn out. Sometimes she was fairly attractive for a plain girl who need to lose some weight. I mean the most me time I’ve had is a hot shower and maybe a little blogging. This is just crazy.