To the salvage yard, Batman…

This Lucky… she looks angry and grouchy… this is what she looks like when she discovers that she has to buy a whole side-view mirror for her blazer because someone knocked the glass out and then the piece that the glass attaches to fell out on her way to campus this morning.

So here is what happened: My mom somehow managed to her hit the driver’s side side-view mirror with her shoulder the earlier. She hit it pretty hard because her shoulder has been really sore ever since and yesterday my kid brother found the glass in the driveway where it had fallen out the night before. Apparently the guy I bought it from a year ago knocked the glass out and reattached it with regular silicone, meaning it wasn’t very secure in the first place. So I had to drive the damn thing with no side-view mirror yesterday and planned on going to Advanced to get adhesive today. But that would just be too easy.

I was on my way down 96 when I noticed the mirror looked odd, like something was missing, but sometimes I’m just paranoid about my blazer. So I take it to the car wash cause I’m running early and my father was refusing to work on it until I got it washed and it desperately needs an O2 sensor and spark plugs put in it. The thing is getting 13  miles to the gallon when it should be getting 22 and that’s really bad considering that gas was $2.51at Walmart with a gift card.

But then I get to campus and realize that something is off, the outer cover for the mirror is hanging off and I get out to fix it after I park. That’s when I realize there is piece missing. I got the glass out and tried to put it back, just to make sure I can, and it didn’t go back. So when I get home I’ve got to call Averrit’s and pray they have a side-view mirror that fits my blazer and it they don’t I have to call Pelham’s and pray they do. Then tomorrow morning I get to go get one and put it on. Not cool.

How to sneak a smoothie into the computer lab…

or an update from the college girl.

Important lesson learned. When assigned several chapters of the latest novel in your Southern Lit class, a paper on a previous selection for the same class, needing to study for a test in said Lit class, a presentation of Jordan in your Foundations of Government class, and assigned a paper in your Law and Legal class on a particularly difficult book to understand…. Do NOT procrastinate on any of it. That is what I have done. I really didn’t want to do any of it so I put it off, doing tiny bits of work here and there just to say I’d worked on them. Not a smart idea at all. Now I’m rushing through my Law and Legal essay, and it is due tomorrow at 9 AM. I’ve only got half my ten minute presentation finished, and I have to give it next Thursday. This is what I get for goofing off and not getting the work I need to get done done. I know, I know…. what is Lucky doing blogging when she should be working? Well it turns out Honorè De Balzac and his novel Colonel Chabert are a painful thorn in my side and make me want to kick something. First it makes me want to scream because the characters are wretched, then it makes me doubt my desire to be a lawyer. It is this quote that does it:

“Do you know, my dear boy, … that in our society there are three men, the priest, the doctor, and the lawyer, who cannot appreciate the world? They wear black robes perhaps because they are in mourning for all virtue and hope. The unhappiest of these is the lawyer. When a man seeks out the priest, he is moved by repentance, by remorse, by passionate beliefs that elevate him and comfort the soul of the mediator. The priest brings a little joy; he purifies, he heals, he reconciles. But when he comes to us, the lawyers, we see the same ill feelings repeated again and again, never corrected. Our offices are gutters that cannot be cleansed.”

Isn’t life strange…

I’ve come to realize that sometimes life needs background music. There are times in life that there should a certain song playing, just because it makes a great deal of sense. Those times are like when I’m sitting in my  room thinking about all that was happening and I could just hear Collide by Howie Day. It just so happened it was one of those days where I was cleaning up, and I found a stack of stuff from senior year and among the papers and books was an entire folder that belonged to Spoony. I used to keep up with his folder for him in history. Or when I have one of those really terrible days and I can hear a song like Move Along by All American Rejects. But there is no background music in life, that music only plays in my head and only for a brief moment. That is unless of course I have my iPod, then I can have the music actually playing. But it’s not the same thing. Life needs background music, most definitely. If there were background music then life would be much more interesting.

Ok so I went to see my Grandmama the other day because she needed me to fix her blood sugar testing thing, and I was reminded of how much she disapproves of my long distance relationship. She is a very old fashioned woman who would definitely not approve of many of my actions, especially during mock trial trips and the like. She continuously made little comments about how it was a wonder I hadn’t met a guy on campus, here in TN, and how there were a lot of guys around here who would be interested in me. Then she started talking about how far away Spoony is and the possibilty that maybe he had found someone there and was cheating. It made me want to scream. Of course there is that chance, but I trust him. I believe in him and love him. Of course there are lots of guys on campus, but I don’t want them. I am not interested in anyone but Spoony, and I have made that abundantly clear. I realize that it doesn’t make sense, but that doesn’t matter to me.Which is the point of the icon connected to this paragraph. Practically, our relationship has a pretty high fail chance I guess, but we don’t pay attention to that or really know that, so we go on loving each other.

Why do things have to be this way?

Not a sunshine and daisies sort of post; Lucky is feeling decidedly gloomy, grouchy, and in general unhappy about certain things in her life.

What the hell is going on lately? I’ve fallen totally off the edge of the planet and I don’t know why. Suddenly I’ve just disappeared and it makes no sense. Or maybe it does. Let us explore this shall we. For me mock trial is basically over; I’ve got this thing in April, but it’s not the same thing as regular mocking. Many of my favorite mocker friends are on the gold team, going to Gold Nationals in Florida, and I’m definitely not going. Jealous, maybe just a little cause it’s warm in Florida and I’d like to be competing instead of just sitting around here. I miss the work, well somewhat anyway, and I miss the challenges. So basically all of them are busy getting ready for the tourney. But that’s not the biggest issue. J has basically forgotten me, she’s going to a different college now and I just don’t exist. Sad really, but I’m gone, I’m not around anymore to her. Don’t get me wrong, J is a good friend and everything, but she’s not a close one. We rarely talk, and I think we may be on two vastly different ends on the spectrum. Just too different to ever be close. Which means that I can easily fade away without notice.

I love him, and I’m happy for once. So why do I feel like me world is crashing down around me sometimes? I’m such a liar. I put on a brave face and don’t cry. I lie and say I’m ok, though inside I’m dying. I smile and pretend that everything is alright, that I’m not falling apart. But it’s all a lie, an absolute lie, and eventually I won’t be able cover any more. I run and hide from people and find a place to hide where no one can see me crying. I don’t want anyone to worry about me, especially not Spoony. I hate this. I’m crying, and I don’t want to. In fact I probably shouldn’t be crying at all. I’m supposed to be happy because I finally got what I wanted. I finally found the guy I was looking for, but I’m not happy. I am happy… this is making no sense what so ever because I am just typing on my train of thought… I am happy don’t get me wrong. Because for the brief moment that I can hear his voice I’m smiling, for the brief time I get to talk to him I’m soaring higher than anyone. There are days when I feel so bad, when I feel so alone and I miss him so much that I close my eyes and … I know this is going to sound crazy but… I can see him, I can almost feel his arms around me, his hand in mine, I can almost hear his voice. But then something happens. I’m pulled away and I remember he’s not here and that I don’t know when I’ll see him again.

Things college has done…

So sitting here listening to In Love With the 80’s by Relient K on my iPod and thinking, I know odd and terrible things happen when I start that thinking stuff. Anyway I was thinking about all the things that so far in two years college has done to and for me and decided to comprise a list. Its not everything, but it will do for now. The college girl speaks once again.

• I am now addicted to Facebook, which is fun. I swear I couldn’t remember half my friends’ birthdays or know about most of the parties I’ve been to if it weren’t for that site. I go on the damn thing at least three times a day, usually more.
• Since starting college I have finally downloaded AIM, and constantly invent away messages and chat with friends. It’s open while I do almost everything, compose emails, write papers, do mock trial work, just about everything. It’s probably not a good thing except I really enjoy it.
• I’m addicted to my iPod and refuse to leave home without it, which is something I never did before I started college. It is a pleasant distraction that gets through the day. It was actually college that convinced me I needed it for walking to classes, hanging out, studying, taking trips, and working at the computer lab, which is where I am now.
• When on capmus and not in class, I know practically live in the computer lab, writing papers, waiting for class to begin, updating the blog, visiting facebook. It’s actually kind of ridiculous.
• I’ve forgotten what sleep is, since I do it so very rarely. I just don’t and it’s not healthy. I manage to get through the day on less sleep, though my caffiene intake is much higher now. I learned over the years that I can go on three hours of sleep provided that I spent the time before partying and such and I get a coke and some food.
• The above brings me to my caffiene addiction. As a senior in high school who was in theatre and on student council and taking AP classes, I was seriously addicted to caffiene, and I got headaches if I didn’t have any caffiene in my system. The summer before college, I broke the habit pretty well. However college has made the addiction rear it’s ugly head once more, and it’s grown in strength.
• College has taught me that guys don’t change, and the college guys high school girls drool over are just high school guys in college. They are just the same for the most part, unless you get lucky and find a mature one, and those are rare.
• The problem in college is that you get separated from your friends and sometimes you get forgotten and left behind. College has taught me that your true friends are the ones who don’t forget and leave you behind.