What do I do

What do I do
when the time is done
when we part ways
and it all ends?

What do I do
when you are gone
when things all stop
and nothing is the same?

What do I do
when everything
seems to crash down around me
and I can’t even think?

What do I do
now that I’m so lost
since you aren’t here to find me
and I’m all numb inside?

What do I do
with you so far away
now that I’m missing you
and I’m so confused?

Tell me what to do
because I just don’t know.
I used to have it figured out,
but not anymore.

Help me, love, please.
Tell me what do I do.

This was also written for that guy I mention on the Portrait of the Artist page a long time ago, after he left for another state for the first time and I was still reeling from the shock, hurt, and lost feelings.

Love

It’s the way you feel when the phone is ringing in the dead of night and you suddenly realize that it’s him… when your grouchy feelings melt away because you hear his voice.

It’s the way you hold onto a bottle or a pressed flower just because it reminds you of all that is good.

It’s the number of times you read a letter or a message or an email just to make sure it’s all not just a dream.

It’s that feeling of absolute electricity every time you kiss, hug, or even touch.

It’s choosing a two hour wait to see him for five minutes because even the shortest moments together mean so much.

It’s spinning around so fast you fall, just because you can smell the scent that belongs only to him.

It’s scarey, but it’s beautiful… and it’s what makes you lie awake at three in the morning just thinking.

It’s everything you can’t explain… it never makes sense, and it leaves you confused and lost.

It’s love.

 

Ok no more entries tonight… three is plenty for you who read this blog.

It’s strange, yet beautiful…

the way God works things out. But everything always works out just as it should. I was thinking about it. My freshman and sophomore years were not my best, and to tell you the truth I wasn’t really happy at all. I lost a guy I thought was great, found a guy who worshipped me and didn’t really know me, couldn’t seem to make any friends, felt like an absolute awkward fool, and just wasn’t happy at all. Then junior year came along and things got a little better. I found that I didn’t have to change to find friends. I was a bit more confident and a lot stronger. That year I had to take US History honors because I didn’t find out until too late about AP. I was so ticked off because I wanted to take AP and couldn’t. I passed that class, but I still wanted to take AP US History. So I wound up taking it my senior year. If I hadn’t I would have missed out on the most amazing thing to happen to me in a long time. I would never have met Spoony and would never have begun the great roller coaster ride that brought me to where I am now. It took some interesting events to make me see that I was in love but in the end I did. I knew there was something there when I received some pretty painful information that most of my friends thankfully pulled me through. I found out that he had a girlfriend, and I had been hugging, and flirting, with someone else’s guy. Sure I hugged D–, who had a girlfriend, and sort of flirted, but that wasn’t as real. I didn’t do it for the same reasons. But that wasn’t the big thing. I realized it was something big when I found out he was moving. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out again. I was lost and it hurt so bad to know that he was going to be leaving. I can’t remember the last time I cried like that over a guy, but I just fell apart. It all clicked. I had been planning to go the University of the South, but my application didn’t get in on time. So I chose MTSU. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have met the Mock Trial teams and become a part of that, which has been a learning experience and a thrill. I also would’ve missed out on some fairly interesting classes that were a blast. But most importantly I think is the fact that I wouldn’t have been in Murfreesboro when he came back to visit. I would have missed it completely and missed the opportunity to see him again. I wasn’t sure that he felt the same way I did, and I would never have known if I had gone to the Sewanee. It turns out that so far things have worked out beautifully, and I thank God they have.

“This is true love – you think this happens everyday?”

So I watched The Princess Bride the other day because it is one of my absolute favorites and I now think I know why. Maybe it’s because it is a really cool love story/action flick/fairytale sort of thing. It’s just a really great story about true love and adventure, I guess. Anyway here are some of the quotes that I really absolutely love.

“I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?” “Well… you were dead.” “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.” “I will never doubt again.” “There will never be a need.” ~The conversation when Buttercup realizes that the Dread Pirate Roberts is really Westley, who is alive. I think actually think this may be my favorite quote because I want a love like that.

“Hear this now: I will always come for you.” “But how can you be sure?” “This is true love – you think this happens every day?” ~The conversation when Westley is leaving Buttercup to seek his fortune so that he can marry her.

“That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying “As you wish”, what he meant was, “I love you.” And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.” The funny thing is that sometimes we can really be dense.

If Only

If only you were here
and not so far away,
then maybe, just maybe
I could be alright.

If only I had said it
instead of holding back.
You might’ve understood
just what was happening here.

If only you could hold me,
and I could feel you near.
Then perhaps in some small way
I wouldn’t be so lost.

If only I could tell you
the way I feel right now,
then somehow, maybe,
I could make the fog clear.

If only I could turn around
and see you coming home,
then it’s possible, I really feel,
that world would stop crashing down.

If only, if only
I could be with you,
and you could know
how much I love you.

This was written for that guy I mention on the Portrait of the Artist page a long time ago, after he left for another state for the first time.