Lengthening the Night, Pushing Back the Dawn

I simply love this particular cartoon from xkcd especially now; I’m a liberal arts major turned law student, but I was math and science genius once upon a time, so the web comic rings true most of the time. Anyway, here’s why this particular comic panel hits me.

One of the hardest parts of being up here is that I am away from all the ones I love. My family and my boyfriend live in TN, while I’m up here in L-ville alone. I come home every night to an empty apartment, and my routine is the same every day. Get up, shower, eat breakfast, go to class, eat lunch, go to class, come home, work out, do homework, eat supper, do homework, try to get some sleep. If I’m lucky I get to have a decent phone conversation or text conversation with them sometimes. I do call my mother almost every night, or she calls me; I am after all a Southern woman. I try to go home every once in a while, but sometimes that’s not possible. Needless to say, I miss the people I love, and time I get to spend with them is very precious to me. Once upon a time I went through this, and I barely made it through. This time is different; this time I’m stronger and the love I share with Wash is more powerful.

I have the same feeling that the girl in the comic does each time I am with my friends and family. On date nights with Wash, as we kiss goodnight, I have this urge to spin counterclockwise in an effort to do just what the comic says. Lengthen the night and push back the dawn and give myself just a little more time with him. It gets extremely difficult to say goodnight and walk away, especially when I know that I will be heading north again and he will remain in the south. Some nights, especially when we’ve had one of our wonderful and deep coversations that always end with us feeling so much closer, its almost painful to leave. Some day I won’t have to leave; some day I won’t have to kiss him goodnight knowing that we won’t see each other again for a while. I look forward to that day. Yes, readers I do love him and if you find me in some parking lot standing to next to a remarkably sweet and good looking Southern man who answer to Wash spinning counterclockwise; I’m just making an attempt to lengthen the night and push back the dawn so that I can have a little more time in his arms.

Breakin’ Down the Block

I’ve hit a bit of a blogger’s block recently, probably because I’ve been so busy with classes; between reading cases for class discussions, outlining notes for finals, which I know are months away but I have to start early, and writing my first memo, which sounds deceptively short, I haven’t had much time to breathe. I barely had time to work in my workout, which consisted of the 1/2 mile walk to classes and the 1/2 walk back last week because I had car trouble. Any way, I figured I would give my readers a little information about what its like to be in law school and some bits of wisdom/snark that I’ve picked up recently. After all this is week six of fourteen.

First of all, in undergrad I took McDaniel courses, had Clyde for quite a few classes, and did mock trial, which were actually really good preparation for the adventure that is law school. There is a lot of reading and studying, and I spend at least three to four hours a night with the laptop up, my casebooks out, and a set of highlighters. This is just in preparation for class discussions; I have to brief between two and four cases per class in order to keep up, and then I go back and type up my briefs and compile my notes after each class in order to be able to create my outlines, which are very important. having McDaniel has taught me to read massive amounts of material, synthesize it for class discussion, and to manage my time between readings well. Mock Trial gave me something extra to balance, and learning that art of balancing it all has really helped me get through, I will talk about that later in this entry though.

Outlines are also very important for studying for finals, which begin right after Thanksgiving Break. So I guess I should explain why I am already working on them with finals so very far away. In law school you cover a large amount of material in a relatively short amount of time, which means that if you wait too long to get started on compiling your notes from class then you will spend the last three weeks of classes in full on panic mode worrying about how you will study your wide and varied notes thoroughly enough to be able to pass your finals. So I started outlining about a week and a half ago, and I spend at least an hour and half, often more, updating them after we finish a chunk of information in class. I have a separate spiral notebook for each class, and I am currently writing out my outlines, but when it gets closer to crunch time I will be typing them up and reorganizing them so that I get a second massive dose of working through the materials. It’s not fun or exciting, but it is important.

I’ve been spend a good two hours a night every other night working on my Closed Memo for BLS. Now you might think that working on a memo would be a quick task that would take an hour max to finish. And you would be wrong. The memo is actually a 1600 words or less monstrosity that is right now looming over my head and haunting my like Jacob Marley. It’s due October 5, and I am only about 1/3 of the way through my draft. It seems that every time I try to make some progress on it I get stuck. I did, however, finish my statement of facts, and it actually looks like it might be right. The thing has four basic parts, and I haven’t even really gotten deep into the hardest part of it. But with a little more perseverance I should be able to get through it. It’s frustrating, but not impossible.

I’ve made several discoveries over the past six weeks. First of all, there is an art to being able to balance law school and the rest of life, and I’d like to think I am doing a fairly good job of it. I manage to stay pretty much caught up and ahead in classes, find time to talk to Wash and the family on a regular basis, eat decent and pretty healthy meals, have at least an hour or so of relaxation every other day or so, and make time to go down to the fitness room in the apartment building for a workout. I have only had one melt down, and that was over something that was not completely law school related. Now if I could just find time to read my new Dan Brown novel; I’m afraid I will start reading it and get nothin’ done until I finish it. They aren’t lying to you when they tell you that law school is a full time job. But it is managable. I even figured out a way to be able to occassionally go home to TN in order to visit my family and the boyfriend. My “To Do” list grows, but with a bit of hard work I can keep it pruned down. I’m managing to keep up.

I’ve discovered that there are a lot of different kinds of law students around here, and then there are just plain strange people. I sit by a variety of characters, and at some point I will have to make a list of the “species” I’ve encounted. For now I’ll just tell you about a few of the more annoying ones. First, there are the entitled people; I figure they feel entitled to two or three chairs to theirselves no matter how busy and crowded the room is, since they insist on not putting their bags on the floor and will use an extra chair just to put their bags in. Half the time those bags are ratty old things that are just not that delicate. There are also the people who sit next to you in class and smack their gum. I have nothing against eating in class or drinking in class, I do it all the time, especially if I’m running late and breakfast for me is a couple of Pop Tarts and a bottle of water. I at least try to eat quietly. But honestly, if you can’t chew your food or gum quietly and must make loud smacking sounds as you roll spit and gum/food in your mouth, just refrain from eating in class because its distracting to those of us who are trying to pay attention so that we are not caught off guard when the professor calls on us. No one is going to accept “I’m sorry I couldn’t hear the question over the cow next to me chewing its cud.”  as a reason for not having the anwer. In addition to these, we also have some of the same kinds of people you have in undergrad, like the guy in the front or back of the room who will without fail complicate the issue at hand an insert random commentary based on his life experience.

Well considering the length of this post, which is crazy long, I’d say my blogger’s block is broken.

So Maybe It’s Time

So this is a first for me dear readers. I never blog about religion, ever, and I have many reasons for it. Maybe it’s because I don’t want my comments flooded by people either berating me over my choice of religions or telling me that I’m wrong about religion in general. Anyway, this is not some discussion about which religion you should pick or about how my religion is better than your religion or anything like that. In fact this is one of those really deep blog entries where I talk about something fairly powerful in my life. I haven’t don’t know what has gotten into me that I feel the need to blog about this, cause it’s something I don’t talk about very often really. I know, I know, get with it Zoe and spit it out.

This all started with Wash, well sort of; I guess it started with the loss of the ex and meeting Wash. They say when life brings you to your knees you are in the perfect position to pray. It seems like a silly cliche, except that it’s true. I’d reached a point in my life where I felt lost and heartbroken and completely crushed; I didn’t know what to do or how to cope, which may be a little pathetic, but it’s the truth. And since I had no idea where to turn, I did the only thing I could think of, I hit my knees and started praying.  I asked for strength and guidance and faith and healing and hope and courage; I prayed for answers and for something I didn’t need the way I thought I did. And God answered some of my prayers. He gave strength and helped me heal; He gave me directions and put a man in my life who bring me back to where I belonged. He gave me Wash, and I thank God for that every day.  God gave me a second chance, and He gave me the strength and wisdom to take that chance.  It was a miracle, even if it was a small one.

And Wash brought me back, restored my faith, and took me to church with him. That may not seem like much to you, but it is worth more than I can ever describe. Once upon a time I went to church fairly often, almost every Sunday. And when I was seventeen years old my Pa died of a sudden stroke, he was in very good health when it happened, just a blood pressure issue that was managed well with medication. That summer, I went to VBS with my cousins, and at invitation one night I found myself responding. I don’t know why it happened, but it did. I suddenly found myself kneeling at the small alter in the front of the sanctuary and praying, tears streaming down my face. I’d finally answered that voice in my heart saying “Come to me. I will guide you. I will show you the way home.” That night the preacher asked me if I’d been baptized. I had not been, and he offered. Something happened though, and I never got around to it. I’m twenty two years old now, and for some reason I never went back. I guess maybe I just wasn’t ready.

What does that have to do with Wash? Well, a great deal actually. The love of my life is a good man, and a good Christian, and he has done for me something I can never repay. He led me back to God and to church. When I went to church, I went to a Baptist church, a very small one, and Wash is a Church of Christ man through and through. Now when I get to go to church with him, and I consider it a blessing that I do get to go with him sometimes, I go to a Church of Christ church. But the building is not the point, not really. The point is that I’m pretty sure that the man I love more than words was not only sent to heal my heart and give me a second chance to love again but sent to me to bring me to back to God again. I have not always been the best of people, and I have a great many flaws.  Living up here by myself gives me plenty of time to think and to talk to God. I’ve had time to consider the person I want to be, the kind of life I want to live, and the kind of partner Wash deserves. He deserves a partner who can be as devoted to God as he is, and the woman who stands beside him should be as a good a person and as good a Christian as he is. I strive to be that person, and I am trying very hard to make the changes in my life that I should in order to be able to be the kind of good person he deserves as a partner, a friend, and someday a wife. Wash’s patience is a gift because I’m often difficult, and I’m not always polite or positive or proper or appropriate. I can rude, and my language choices are not always the best or nicest. I’m slightly stubborn, willful, and resistant to changes in my essential me-ness or at least what I think is my essence. I am a work in progress, and maybe it’s finally time for the progress.

There is no quote of the day here because I cannot come up with a quote that fits just right.

Julie & Julia, or the Last Date for a While

So after reading a friend’s blog entry about this one, I finally decided I had to see it. I’d been thinking about seeing it for awhile, but I didn’t want to subject Wash to another chick flick, though it seems the only decent movies lately have been chick flicks. It saddens me because I love movies of all kinds, but there is some serious fail out there in movie making land. But I digress. Wash and I are pretty sure that we are not going to get another date night for a while due to the fact that I am getting to be a very busy law student and between work and class he’s going to be pretty short on time. Also, Wash brought my ring back from the jeweler’s, which makes me a very happy bunny. It was supposed to be a dinner and a movie kind of date, which is fairly normal for us, but he had some trouble getting off work on time and that made us run a bit late. That meant that we went to a movie about cooking and food, and we were starving because neither of us had eaten.

The movie was great actually, and if you haven’t seen I highly recommend that you do so immediately. Both Meryl Streep and Amy Adams were incredible, and Streep was absolutely dead on really. I did find Julie’s obsession with Julia a bit strange, but it didn’t take away from the overall effect of the movie. In fact I sort of understood why she clung to her the way she did, considering the effect of the stew dish she mentioned. Honestly, I identified with the film because I love to cook, and I would love to learn to cook as well as the two leading characters could. There was also the fact that Julie was a struggling writer with an unfinished novel. We left the movie starving, and I really had the urge to cook something with lots of butter. If I had the time and the fundage, I would definitely love to embark on the challenge of cooking my way through some famous cook’s cookbook in a year. But alas, law school makes you both broke and busy. Over all I think this is definitely on my list of movies I will require on DVD when it comes out. Also, while I may not buy it since I have a mad long list, this is also on my books I must read list. I wish that I could write a blog that spoke to people the way that Julie’s did or that I could write something important at all. I guess maybe I can hope for doing something important in the legal field instead.

Also, not to spoil the movie or anything, but I’ve decided that I want a marriage like Julia and Paul Child have in the movie. They were so very much in love and no matter what happened they managed to get by and were always supportive of each other. They had a very strong relationship that allowed them to live happily in most any situation. I want that very much for Wash and I. I want us to be able have a relationship that strong and be able to support each other no matter what. Even if life is difficult, as I know it will be when we are starting out, if we cfan have that kind of strong supportive and happy relationship, I will be a very happy woman. And I think that Wash and I can have that. We already have an amazing relationship, and life for us is not exactly easy, especially while I live in KY and he remains in TN. We are managing to be supportive and encouraging even though we are 200 miles apart. We maintain a powerful connection, and we remain very much in love regardless of what life throws at us.

Quote of the Day: Paul Child: What is it you REALLY like to do?
Julia Child: Eat! - Julie & Julia

What keeps Zoe Going

So I’m sitting here at the laptop in my new apartment, the one I really wanted in the first place, having gone for a 30 minute work out on an exercise cycle and had an awesome hot shower. For the past three weeks I’ve been dieting and since I’ve moved into my new apartment, which has a fitness room, I’ve been working out. When I was in the old apartment all I could  really do is use  my aerobics DVDs, but I’m not sure that they’ve done much good. But now I go down to the fitness room and work out after class. I’ve tried to work out and get in shape several times in the past and sort of failed. I’d get impatient or busy and just give up on it. I think it was partially because I have never had an easy time losing weight or toning my body for some reason and so it takes a lot of effort while lots of people around me, mostly other women, seem to be able stay trim and lean and pretty even though they eat twice what I do and don’t have to work out as often or hard as I need to. I just sort of get frustrated with myself I guess. So what is keeping me going this time? Well several things.

First of all, I’ve discovered that I don’t hate everything about my body.  I have great legs that will look even better when I tone up my thighs, and my butt, while sort of huge,  looks pretty good in the right pair of pants. Mostly I need to sort of tone up and reshape my body. I’m accepting that I can’t change my natural bone structure, which is sort of wide and heavy. I’m not only exercising, but I’m eating right, which gives me more energy and makes me feel better. It keeps my body going and I don’t feel hungry or tired. Physically and mentally I keep myself going by treating myself right. If I don’t obsess over what I perceive as flaws and problems that are insurmountable, I can focus on keeping a steady pace.

The second thing that is keeping me going is the way I’ve set my goals. Instead of having some hard to reach ideal, like getting bikini ready in 6 weeks, I’ve decided to set small attainable goals that I can accomplish over time. My first goal is to work out at least 3 or 4 times a week every week for three weeks and to get a steady rhythm going. My next goal will be to keep that up for three or four more weeks. My ultimate goal is a summer goal; I do intend to lose about four or five pants sizes by this summer, which is more than 20 weeks away, giving me plenty of time to lose the weight and tone up at a healthy pace. I’d like to be down at least a size or two by April for the barrister’s ball, and then by summer I want to be trim and lean and swimsuit ready since I promised Wash that I would go to PCB with him.

The third thing that keeps me going is the support I’m getting from Wash. He’s trying to work out too, and so we are sort of in it together, even though we are miles apart. He reminds me that I can do it, and he gives me strength. His love helps me move forward even when I’m tired or frustrated. While I am losing the weight and getting slim for myself, knowing that Wash has back, so to speak, helps beyond words. You see I hope to marry him someday soon, and another goal I have involves that day. I don’t intend to be fat on my wedding day. I don’t want to go through what I did when I was hunting a prom dress, having so much trouble finding something that fits. It may be silly to think about that now, but if our luck goes well that day may come sooner than later.

Now my dear readers, I need a good exercise for tummy toning.

Quote of Day: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13